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Writer's picturemusingsmiddleagedmom

Mom Guilt!

Updated: Feb 16, 2022

Here I am, for what feels like my daughter's umpteenth cheer leading competition. We've only done two so far and I'm ready for this to be over. Entire weekends are consumed in travel and the competition. I am surrounded by these cackling women who seem to come and go in droves. Most of them former cheerleaders themselves - they know each back tuck from a back flip and if you watch the expressions on their faces when their precious is out there - it looks like they are reliving their cheer life. I personally have not seen a more engaged lot even in the corporate board room during a hostile takeover. I, on the other hand am all bleary eyed from a night of too much fun, barely able to hold it together after my third coffee.

As I walk down the hallway a little lost (as always) I see a mom applying make up on the left, doing her kids hair on the right, each one of them a lot more engaged in their child's sport than I personally have ever been. My contribution has been limited to driving her around everywhere, ascertaining which seat in the auditorium gives the best views, an occasional video, one of the loudest voices in the crowd when they come on (I will give that to myself) and the $20-$25 entrance fee that I pay at each venue to watch my daughter perform.

There are barely any Asians in the crowd, and brown none. For what has been a predominantly a white sport for wafer thin girls, today it is heartwarming to see girls of all shapes and sizes perform. The color palette has grown to include blacks and there may have been a few Asians in the auditorium but N was probably the only brown girl in a sea of thousands. She holds her own with this crowd. Her determination to continue with Cheer in the face of all adversities (more on that another time), and not let the lack of diversity affect her makes me immensely proud.

And then there is me, I am your atypical cheer mom - for one, I have no background in the sport and I can barely make out one move from the other (trust me I've asked and been explained to, innumerable times). While I humor my child's love for it, the engagement part (for me) is clearly missing. Sometimes, I wonder, am I her Achilles heel holding her back? Had I been one of these moms always egging her own, opening every door, ensuring every fly away hair is in place, making sure she shows up with her "A" game, would my child be at the pinnacle of this endeavor?

As I sit down with my glass of wine mulling over this sobering thought I think well I am a career woman, mother of two and a dog etc. (you get the drift) somethings got to give. So I talk to one of the mom's asking her how she is on top of it all - hoping to feel good about myself.

"How do you do this Elaine?" I query, "I am beat already."

"It's rough dear but you got to do what you got to do. I have three kids - all three of them play different sports, driving them around everywhere on weekdays for their games is hard with being the PTSA president, the church volunteer coordinator AND the VP of Customer Relations at my firm. Sometimes I find myself working till midnight. However, seeing the smile on my kid's face is worth it all." she replies with a smile while I scrape my chin off the floor.

"Bring over the bottle please." I shout out to the bar tender as I drown myself in it.

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