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Writer's picturemusingsmiddleagedmom

Gratitude

There are days when I wake up - not unlike today, when I think maybe I did getup on the wrong side of the bed. Muttering, moaning I go make my coffee, counting days and hours till my next vacation. Having had enough with work and life in general. I get the notification on my phone - "start your day with gratitude".

^%#&$ I don't want no gratitude. I just want to BE today. Just for the day I don't want daily assertations, morning meditations. I just want to be left alone. I sit down with my cup of coffee with the proverbial cloud over my head and stare at my drink. In comes my dog - slowly nipping away at my toe. I look up at him and perhaps he sees the disdain in my face or maybe senses the dark clouds and slowly scurries away.

After brooding for a whole of 15 minutes, I start fidgeting, thinking perhaps a few stretches wouldn't hurt. It certainly could help lighten my mood.

I lay out my mat on the floor to practice yoga. Duke's ears perk up seeing a bit of my old self, and since I am on the floor he thinks I am ready to play with him. Doing my basic stretches he just stands and stares at me two feet away, trying to gauge if this is the right time to interject. As I go into the down dog he comes and sits in the cavity under my curved body on the mat. My down dog is usually followed by Cobra or up dog. I slowly go into plank and start my descend to the floor for the up dog. As all 160 lbs of me comes down towards the mat the poor creature runs for dear life. (He weighs only 10 lbs) Not one to give up, he comes around and faces me for a showdown just as I go into my Cobra. The moment my head comes up off the floor, it meets a waiting tongue ready for a lick fest! I fight him off, feverishly wiping my face, the germaphobe in me taking over. He charges at me with all his might open mouthed ready for his onslaught. Shooing him off, I take a five minute break to wash my face and admonish him for his behavior am go back into my contorted body positions. The little fur ball runs feverishly in circles around me trying to get a reaction out of me. I go into Warrior III trying to balance on my right leg with both hands extended out in front of me, my torso and left leg lifted and parallel to the floor, the little monkey grabs hold of the corner of my t-shirt and starts pulling it feverishly. Balance in yoga in general has always been an issue with me.....Warrior III is something I can hold for probably 5 seconds before my wobbly leg gives in. With this little mutt pulling at my clothes, I end up in a heap on the floor in three seconds flat. Admitting defeat, I attempt to end my yoga session with Shavasana and he promptly comes and sits on my chest. Shaking my head, I gently lift him off my chest and go into my meditation.

I usually start my meditation with five minutes of chanting followed by silence. As I sit up crossing my legs in the yogi pose and close my eyes the little vermin comes and plants himself firmly in my lap. By this time I know, it is going to be a losing battle.

I start humming "Aaaauuuuummmmmm" and up comes a little head from my lap with both eyes staring straight at me, Clearly the vibrations are bothering his lord and mighty.

So finally, here we are - me with one eye open looking down at him in my yogi pose and him staring up at me from my lap, both of us wondering who is going to outstare the other, I lose. I lift him off my lap and plant a firm little kiss on his forehead, a faint little smile playing on my lips.

As I lift myself off the mat, the clouds have dissipated and this little monkey has brought bright sunshine into my gloomy day. This creature has taught me in 20 minutes today, what people take years to learn - its all in the attitude. We will all have moments or even days when you just can't continue and all you need to do is take a pause and readjust your outlook. Allow yourself that luxury. It will make all the difference. Much gratitude!






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